...I will BAIL. I'm not giving notice, and I am certainly NOT going to train my replacement.

Ferd has PISSED me off. Today is a holiday, but Ferd wanted one of the manned exit booths (normally closed on holidays) to remain open this evening to accommodate parkers going to a Friday night summer concert series. Suffice it to say that he wrote me a NASTY email, claiming that I hadn't done what I was told to do in order to notify the scheduled worker that he would (a) need to be there on the holiday and (b) stay till everyone was processed through, not just until 10. Told me I would be expected to come in if the worker didn't show up, "no excuses". Sure, I'll go in if necessary---and they'll pay me time-and-a-half to do so. And that rate is over TWICE what they'd pay a regular cashier. False economy, I'd say. Ferd is just pissed that Zuul is gone and HE has to do the on-call on this holiday weekend...

I'm tired of this bullshit. I'm actively looking elsewhere. Let Imelda hire people of her color to fill the gap (as that is what's happened with the last 10 or so people she's hired). Let Ferd continue to be whipped by Imelda and her doings. I've HAD IT. No more Ms. Nice Gal. NO more loyalty, going-the-extra-step, accommodating everyone. SCREW THEM ALL.

Zuul, I'm right behind ya, bud!!

...and I miss him. He finally had enough, and gave notice last Thursday, which resulted (not surprisingly) in Ferd telling him to turn in his shite and leave. A new guy has been hired, as of today, certainly a nice person, but there will be an adjustment period where he has to learn the center and all the ins-n-outs. Till then, Ferd will have to fill in the gaps, which I guess is the choice he made when he told Zuul to hit the bricks...

And Imelda? She is already cultivating the new guy, and the nit-picking of me is starting. I wonder if she would really like to get rid of me. My work computer crapped out, not my fault of course, but it really has me crippled since I can't get to the files and documents that I had at my fingertips. I truly believe she's gloating, what with her comments about how SHE is so organized and so on top of things without depending on the computer. But I note how quickly she forgets details that *I* remember with no problem even without the help of my puter.

Well, I'm looking around, too. I don't really trust my fate there; I sense undercurrents of things that disturb me. I hope to ride the crest of the wave outta there, and hopefully avoid getting pulled under and tossed unceremoniously on the sand by the undertow.

Things weren't too bad. Ferd, sadly, lost a grandchild this weekend, so he will be out for the week. I miss Zuul at work. Imelda was in a good mood, actually, and didn't pick me apart. Yet.

I'm glad I can offer Zuul some consolation in all this crap. My sweetie, Vigo, says that, in spite of every bad thing that has happened in his life, he keeps hanging around to see what happens next. Maybe that's why I'm here too, in spite of my life's journey (losing a beloved husband to death, losing everything that husband left to me to the second husband... sheesh). Guess at heart I'm an optimist.

So... we'll see what happens next!

Its not been bad since Friday. I've got alot to do come monday but it ok. I like what Gozer said, "see what happens next". Thats such an insightful thing to say! Life is ALL about what happens next.Recently I feel very much like I've been on a journey more now than ever. Yes, my future is not certain but then again who's is? I'm gonna head into work on Wednesday and take whatever comes. If he wants to give me a last chance so be it. My plan is to stay there till I can get another job. I'm working on getting into a trade. I think I can see my future in it.

Harvey Korman died the other day and that really made me sad. I feel like we are losing all of our greats. I have really fond memories of him with Tim Conway on the Carol Burnett show and in all the Mel Brooks movies. As gay as all this sounds its true. He was an icon. I hope his family is ok. I cant imagine how amazing he was to be around.

Poor Zuul... All Ferd told me was that Zuul was "out today". I admit, I'm not privy to these things, so Ferd can't/won't tell me anything more than that.

At Zuul's suggestion, I did a web search for jobs with our company, and lo-and-behold, not only is HIS position hiring (or one like it), but so is mine. I don't really think it's me they're looking to replace (I rather think it's someone at one of our sister offices)... but nonetheless, it's disturbing. Well, I have a brother who's in business for himself, and I've always somehow foreseen us working together--so if the feces hit the air motility device, I won't starve at least.

Zuul, I'm touched by your feelings about me. If I can help you with some of the 24 years' experience I have beyond you, it's yours. I will miss you, too.

And Imelda? She's been on vacation for a week... but I dread her return. I just KNOW she'll nit-pick me to death over things I've handled in her stead, if only because she can't stand to think that the office can survive (and thrive!) without her. And, unfortunately, I can't count on Ferd to back me up but so much. Sheesh...

Well, I plan to enjoy the weekend anyway! My main squeeze Vigo and I went to dinner with the brother and my dad tonite to celebrate dad's 91st birthday. Yes, 91 years young, not looking it, in great health and great mental state. I gotta brag on pop: he's a Pearl Harbor survivor (one of the VERY few left), and has lived from a childhood home without running water, electricity or phone to having a son and daughter who are computer geeks deep into the Information Age. Given the longevity of his family (HIS dad lived to 96 and his uncle to just short of 103!), I expect him to be around to see quite a few more amazements in life.

Let's enjoy our weekend and/or time off, Zuul... and see what happens next!

So I'm at home right now. Suspended from work for A. not picking up a few pieces of trash, B. telling someone "cant", and C. not putting a door closer cover up immediately after I was told.

I think all of that is ridiculous. I'm not really that broken up about it. I'm tired of working for this company anyway. I can't deal with all of the disloyalty and lies. In fact I just found a job posting with my job up there. He straight up lied to me about it the other day when I noticed Applications for my line of work. I might try to finish the week out so I can at least pay my rent one more time while I'm there. If I do that I plan on doing nothing for the entire week. I'll come in and then disappear. LMAO. I've been grappling with the idea of leaving for a while now. I wish it could have been on better terms but hey, what can you do?

The only person I will truly miss when I leave is Gozer.(yes, the Gozer of this blog) She's an amazing lady. I look at her as an older wiser sister. Words just don't do it justice. Shes a wonderful woman and I look forward to many more years of friendship outside of the job from hell.

My boss told me as I was leaving this morning to go home and use this time to reflect and decide what I wanna do. I'm gonna do that.

Zuul

And in keeping with his love of the sweet chiba, I got him an excellent text on the wacky weed. Read it before I gave it to him, of course; it's practically a how-to book!! (I was SOOO naive at his age...)

Well, even though he doesn't want to rant about work any more, I gotta. Ferd dumped on ME today over a line in an email that he totally misunderstood. I wound up in a ladies' room crying over it. Shit, seems like I can't do anything autonomous without catching heat for it; guess it's about working for an (ex) military man. In the military, you ain't sposed to question anything, just "do or die" (do AND die, many times). So I'll just play the game and be dumb as owl shit. Days like this make me want to climb to the top of the building and leave a grease spot on the pavement below... But, thanks to the wonderful world of chemistry, I'm in a better place tonite. Nothing like a lil booze and well-selected enhancing meds to lift one out of the funk.

Imelda is on vacation, starting tomorrow and all thru next week... so at least we have THAT relief in sight. Now, if only Ferd will be decent...!

I know I'm human. And if you were all these things, then you'd just attack me right now, so some of you are still human. This thing doesn't want to show itself, it wants to hide inside an imitation. It'll fight if it has to, but it's vulnerable out in the open. If it takes us over, then it has no more enemies, nobody left to kill it. And then it's won.

I love the simple things in life.....like John Carpenter movies.

I'm not gonna complain about work on this journal anymore. I'd like this to be something I enjoy. Something I can look back at and enjoy. I'm gonna speak of experiences. I read something from a total stranger today that kind of blew my mind a little. She doesn't have much but she does what she does and she likes it. I respect that. I won't riddle this with ridiculous bitching about work.


So its my birthday tomorrow and I treated myself to a new smoking tool.
I bought a vaporizer!!! A cheap one but it nice and we are gonna smoke off this bitch tonight! I wish all my pals could be here to send it on its maiden voyage so to speak! This is what I'm gonna treat Gozer and Vince to.

A vaporizer does not actually burn the green it heats it to a point of release. By release I mean it spits out all the THC for us to enjoy without the harshness and smoke. It is a healthy way to enjoy pot. I have disclosed a picture of the exact model I bought. Here it bee.




Love, zUUl

Not a bad day. I thought I was gonna get a talking to for yesterdays sick no show. I didn't. Will the wonders ever cease?....I'm sure they will soon lol. My birthday is tomorrow and I'm starting to think more about my age. The folks that know me know how old I am. I'm not the young I used to be and I'm feeling it more and more every day. Its an adjustment. Its all hitting me at once. I think I'm gonna get some green tonight and celebrate a little.

That brings me to my next issue. I get great smoke one week and all these folks tell me they have it and to give them a call whenever but every time I do they are never around when they need to be. As far as I'm concerned thats bad fucking business. If you are going to offer a service like that you should keep your clients informed should things come up. I will no longer wait for days for some shabby half-ass smoke dealer who can't come through.
I'm gonna get it from whoever now. Funny thing is I was getting ready to drop 80 on him and he's nowhere to be found. I'm gonna get it from someone else and then tell him I went elsewhere because hes unreliable. To hell with all that noise.

This post turned into a smoking rant quickly didn't it?

ZuuL

So in the last handful of months up to spring I've been a bit ill on and off. I don't take well to climate changes. I was out sick today with a mean case of the green apple splatters if you get my drift. I wake up around 3pm groggy and dehydrated to see that my email has been blown up by Ferd. He sends me all kinds of emails saying he needs this and that person is in town. I'm sick. I'm at home. What would make anyone think I'm gonna jump up and run into work because someone is having a bad day. I'm sorry but I don't feel bad about it. I stayed home today. Got some rest. Got better and put out some resumes. I will say this, it will be a cold day in hell before I'm intimidated by rude assholes sending demanding emails.

On a lighter note,I watched Umberto Levi's Black Demons. It was a sad sack of shit and I own it. It came in a 3 pack with a few other crazy ones in it. I watched the interviews with him and I had to laugh. He said he didn't like how the movie turned out. He didn't care for a few of the actors. LMAO.


Zuul

P.S. I hope Gozer and Vince post soon. :)

"I’m in love with the color red. I dream in red. My nightmares are bathed in red…Red is the color of passion, of joy. Red is the color of journeys into the hidden depths of the subconscious. But above all: red is the color of rage…and violence."--Dario Argento

One of the Gods of Giallo.

So I'm riding behind this suv this morning on my way to "the store" for work. There is a peace frogs sticker and a "got jesus?" Sticker on the back of that sumbitch.
Promoting "the lord" infuriates me. Do I "got jesus", no I don't. I don't follow the teachings of ancient text and paper. I live in modern day times and follow modern day principles. I don't need religion to know what's right and what's wrong. I have a great family that learned me these things growing up. I think religion is a deadly disease. Look at history. Some of the worst human atrocities have been commited in the name of religion. It's so human to assume that we are awesome and there is some superbeing that cares about us. What a laugh. If we do descend from an all powerful god he's too busy with important issues to care about a selfish species like humans. I think I'm an alien. That is all!

Zuul

I have a couple friends of mine who seem to be slowly putting down the bongs and blunts by order of their significant others.For me marijuana has completely balanced out my mood swings and kept my blood pressure completely normal. So normal in fact, the doctor was surprised. For someone 6'4 and 310, that's almost unheard of. It wasn't like that two years ago when I wasn't smoking on the regular. I have a big problem when people demonize it like they do. Get the sticks out ya asses and enjoy it. Life is all about trying to have the best time you can and if u aren't hurting yourself or anyone else what's the big damn deal.

I just finished watching this movie called Teeth. Its about Vagina Dentata. I thought it was gonna be jokey ass hell but surprisingly it was pretty decent. Lots of severed dicks and blood to go round while at the same time pleasing and pretty well acted. The girl with the deadly who-who was pretty damn hot. I give it an 8/10. Oh Hellz Yeah.

Love,
Zuul

... is tomorrow, as we all know. I'm a mom, if only by default: I helped raise the stepchildren of my late husband. But I don't see them much any more; one is married with a wife and a kid and a life of his own, seemingly as good as what his dad and I had--so I don't begrudge him that. The other--well, to be blunt, the other is a crackhead who had to move out of state to avoid the vengeance of ripped-off drug dealers. In any case, they're monopolized by their natural mom, about whom the less said the better, other than the ONLY good thing about my hubby's death was that I NEVER HAD TO SEE HER AGAIN.

As for my mom? Yeah, I got her a card, and dutifully sent it in time to arrive today (Saturday). Per her instructions, I might add. The bad part about me wishing MY mom a happy MD is that, rather than feeling glad to have her still around and grateful for all the good things she's ever done for me (and believe me, I do feel these things), mostly I feel resentful and put-upon. With her, Mother's Day, her birthday, and Christmas are ordeals for me, because there are EXPECTATIONS, ones that, if I don't meet them, I catch holy HELL for it. Makes me glad and gladder every day that I never gave birth. If that's what it does to a woman--makes her whiny and demanding and clingy on her kids--I saved both me and any potential offspring of my womb all that misery.

Interestingly enough, my stepsons have a mom just like I have, with all the same demands and clinging. Maybe it's the detachment granted by the fact that I didn't birth them, but I refuse to grab at them. If they want to find me, I can be found; I'm not in hiding from them. I would love to see them and/or hear from them, but if they're busy living their lives, so be it--I just hope they do well. My ego is not predicated upon the amount of attention they dance upon me; rather, it's buoyed up by the hope that I at least may have provided some sane counterbalance to the insanities of their birth mother. Goddess knows I certainly had to deal with the same craziness in my own mom; hopefully I gave them the tools to help them deal with their mom and not come out total emotional wrecks on the other side. (Though in the case of my poor little crackhead boy, nothing may have been, or ever will be, enough...)

Anyway, happy Mother's Day to me--and to all moms who believe that (to paraphrase Kahlil Gibran) we are truly the bows from which our children, as living arrows, are sent forth. Once the string is released, they must fly (or fall) where they will; there's no retrieval to try again. "God bless the child who's got his own."

Your pal, Gozer

I was awake late last night. My apartment was very dark and it was extremely quiet outside. I was trying to go to sleep and I started thinking about Jessica. I was trying to figure out why everything in our lives at that time came too late. It makes my head hurt. It's so hard to weed through all the bad times and learn from mistakes. I've worked so hard to let this go and I'm finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I think we had alot in common and most likely would have been well together but I think we both had/have our own demons to deal with. I feel more decisive now and I know what I want. Come on Cupid, shoot me in the ass one more time preez?

Zuul

That short rant I went off on earlier was the result of a meltdown. I wish I hadn't posted that, but whatever. Tomorrow is a new day


Zuul

Poor Zuul... and poor Gozer, as well. We got double-teamed by Ferd and Imelda today, Zuul dealing with what he's already outlined, and me getting blamed by Ferd (for only a minute, fortunately) for something I DIDN'T DO. But once my innocence was established, do you think I got an apology? Did Liberace f*ck women??? Sheeeeeezzzzzz... And then Imelda had a MOOD again today, for no other perceptible reason than that she knew she's expected to do a monthly function WHICH IS HER PROPER FUNCTION AS CO-MANAGER... hey, why'd ya take the job if ya didn't want the duties??? I too hope she retires soon and leaves us in some semblance of peace.

Neither Zuul or I are destined to make this place our life's-work. Just another stopover on the journey thru life. As a friend of mine used to say so eloquently, "I was looking for a job when I came HERE." Words to live by!

Thank the (other) gods that tomorrow is Hump Day...

Your pal, Gozer

I woke up this morning with the idea of coming into work and dropping off my keys and uniform.
Let me outline why.

-we fire a contractor and instead of getting a new one I have to pick up those duties at no extra pay.

-many of the things I do are contractor jobs yet I don't get an increase

-getting a bullshit little raise once a year when I'm salary is not right

-when I make improvements they make more demands

-i hate working with people who are angry and mood swingy all day long.

I am fed up with this shit and I may walk off the job before the day is over. I do not enjoy my job or the people any longer, its time to go.